When I DO make the time I get the investment back in bundles. I had a
moment earlier today when I asked myself, ‘What has to be in place to
allow our children to develop their strengths and uniqueness as they
grow? Plus, how do parents do this whilst still maintaining an element
of control within our households?’ These are the 3 things that sprang to
mind immediately:
1. Set Clear Boundaries
This, at first glance, might appear to be restricting, but boundaries are
the most empowering facet of our reality. You see, when we’re clear about
what’s not allowed, not healthy, not appreciated or not constructive, we can
live with a set of parameters inside which our characters can truly excel.
For example, if I tell my daughter that ‘jumping on furniture is not
allowed’ and give her the reasons why, then I can be confident that in any
social environment that particular challenge won’t occur. If she agrees to
play within that boundary, I can confidently take her to friends,
restaurants, shops and out for treats. Same with rules around how we use
‘please’ and ‘thank you’, how we behave at the table, how we dress on a
school day, how we speak respectfully, how we do what we say we’re going to
do, what time is bedtime and what to do when approached by a stranger.
Boundaries also work for parents to keep at the top of our game. I commit
to boundaries around communication for me and my ex, around schedules (so if
I say 5 pm I’ll have to be there), how much time I invest with work, how
much time I’m away, how much time my daughter and I do ‘educational’ stuff
with our free time and how much we just play or chill out, how late I stay
up and how much I spend on fitness and aloe products (which I love!!).
2. Instill a Sense of Freedom
My grandfather died about 3 years ago at
the age of 94. About 6 months before he died I was visiting him and granny
(who’s still with us at nearly 96!). I asked my granddad ‘If you had your
time over again is there anything you’d do differently?’ He said one thing,
‘I’d say “be careful” less’.
Our children are growing up in a fearful culture. They don’t walk to
school alone, they are warned about playground safety, cycling safety,
stranger safety. They climb a tree; we say ‘be careful’. They head out to
football club or to gymnastics … ‘be careful’. They head out with their
friends (when they’re a bit older) and we say ‘take care’.
I’m not saying that some of these lessons aren’t wise – they are. I’m
saying that to get the most out of anyone (including ourselves); their
creativity, their full talent, their inspiration, their uniqueness sometimes
we have to adopt a slightly different motto: ‘Take a walk on the wild side’!
3. Love Unconditionally
Absolutely and without a doubt the most powerful thing for a parent to
instill in their child is that they are unconditionally loved. And this
isn’t a soft, fluffy kind of love (although that’s essential too!!). This
type creates a foundation of strength from which our children grow in
confidence, self-belief and bold creativity from childhood to adulthood to
pension-drawing age.
I remember when I was 17 years old and I wanted to take a year out to
travel. The night before I left to Australia (alone … except for a backpack
… eeek!), I stayed with my parents so that they could give me a lift to the
airport the next day. As I was going to bed I got this huge surge of fear …
‘What was I thinking? A year? I don’t want to be alone in a strange country
for A YEAR?!’
When my mum came in to say goodnight, I told her ‘I’ve changed my mind.
I’m not going’. She smiled, sat down on my bed and said ‘Yes you are. I know
you’re scared just now but here’s the deal; if you have 10 bad days in a
row, just get on a flight and come home. If you have 3 difficult days then a
good one, you have to start counting from 1 again. Your dad and I will
always be here and you can come home whenever you need to and stay for as
long as you like. But you decided to do this and it’s going to be such an
adventure! You can do this. I love you and I’m SO proud of you!’
So clearly, I went! For a year!! Confident that if things were too
challenging for too long, then my parents would be supportive and loving
when I appeared back on their doorstep.
I’m nearly 40 years old now. And I’m still aware that the 10 day rule
applies with my parents although I've never used it! Even through divorce,
single parenting, redundancy, and new businesses launches, my confidence and
happiness – which originates with the unconditional love I received in my
family home – has allowed me to discover a deeper, more positive, unlimited
part of me than I could have imagined existed all those years ago.
LOVE your children unconditionally and they’ll grow into adults who love
their children unconditionally. This is our highest calling, our richest
legacy!
For more information and a FREE Special Report “ The 5 Secrets for
Successful Single Parenting” visit:
http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com
